I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
