Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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