I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
