a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
we should paint friendship bongs
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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