I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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