i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
