There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
