he thought i was a dude.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago