You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present