I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
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