Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
