and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
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Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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