I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
