its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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