I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
