Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
