He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
