Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
