shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
