Someone shattered a urinal.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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