dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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