guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
