why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
