i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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