I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sext me about skeletons
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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