I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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