i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
