Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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