Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
