He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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