i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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