highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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