I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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