4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
