I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
