She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
