Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
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What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
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I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize