Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
