Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
