Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
