I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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