Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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