genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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