Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
