no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm sobbing to NWA
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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