Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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