everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
