I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
