If i come over, it means nothing
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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