OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize