I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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