I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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