On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
