I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
