don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
