New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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