If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize