it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My penis needs a shock collar
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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