i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
