He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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