I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
