All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
