No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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