I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
