I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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