I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
