i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
