ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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